>> DISHING IT: CELEB NEWS AND NOTES FROM BASSEY ETIM-EDET

March 8, 2007 12:35 am

NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 08: Singer Joel Madden of Good Charlotte and Nicole Richie attend the Zac Posen Fall 2007 fashion show during Mercedes-Benz fashion Week at The Promenade in Bryant Park February 8, 2007 in New York City. (Photo by Peter Kramer/Getty Images for IMG) *** Local Caption *** Joel Madden;Nicole Richie

LEFT: Nicole Richie scarfed down a entire IV drip recently--but now it's time to get back to her one-a-day rice-grain regimen.

A new Johnny Rotten

As if her future "E! True Hollywood Story" weren't already going to be perversely entertaining, Britney Spears is apparently bucking for "Best Actress in a Minimum Security Rehab Center."

According to The Superficial, Britney scribbled "666" on her shaved head and ran around the facility screaming she was the Antichrist. Sources claim that she also tied a bed sheet to a light fixture in an unsuccessful attempt at suicide.

Is it just me, or does everybody else find it impossible to believe that Britney is that insane?

You know those awkward moments when someone does or says something completely inappropriate and you don't know whether to take them seriously or not, so you just stand there, frozen in your discomfort? Then the person cracks a smile and starts laughing, and so you start laughing, more from relief than amusement?

I'm really hoping this is one of those moments.

It'd be really great if Britney would hold a press conference and go, "Psych! I'm not really crazy; I'm just training for my role in the 'Girl, Interrupted' sequel."

Clear in Translation

The clique fights between Hollywood's pretty young things doesn't just include witchy misfits like Paris or Lindsay ; it can even extend to the golden ones with talent, like Scarlett Johansson .

Scarlett and Lindsay have been on the outs for at least a year because Lindsay scrawled a not-too-nice phrase about Scarlett on a bathroom wall in Manhattan. And while Scarlett would never be caught returning the favor in the same fashion (she's a lady!), she did take a moment to verbally slap Lindsay during an interview for Parade magazine:

"I'm not the kind of person who is going to show up to work three hours late, or maybe not come at all. That's just not who I am. That just has to do with the fact that I understand that everybody else comes to work, and we would all like to get an extra four hours of sleep, but what can you do?"

Ouch! Stings a little, huh Lindsay?

Eat, drink and be catty

While I'm on the topic, it's important to point out that bad girls need sustenance.

Tsk, tsk to Nicole Richie , who landed in a hospital needing treatment for dehydration. According to the Long Island Press, the docs had to hook her up to an IV for 15 minutes, no doubt filling her with her food supply for the next 30 days.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but if you're going to be a mega-witch, then you need to eat and drink the right amount of nutrients. Sure, the cattiness comes easier when you've skipped lunch and dinner, but imagine how your evil powers would grow if you took a Flintstone vitamin or two. You'd still be catty and you could punch your opponent in the face. Look at Michelle Rodriguez --does anybody want to mess with her?

Spoiled 'Housewives'

You'd think after years of working in television, Eva Longoria would know how to keep a plot-line secret.

She doesn't.

Eva cracked while being interviewed on "The View," and now a local radio station reports that network execs are furious.

I think they should give Eva a break--it's not like anyone really watches "Desperate Housewives" anymore. For the seven of you who still do, here's a spoiler alert :

Carlos and Gabriella get back together next season. Hmmm, you couldn't see that one coming.

Bassey Etim-Edet is a student at George Mason University.